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偷食

The 1st Affair
>
>A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
>One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon.
>Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM .
>The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes
>outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
>He put on his shoes and drove home.
>
>"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
>"I can't lie to you," he replied,    "I'm having an affair with my
>secretary.
>
>We had sex all afternoon."
>
>She looked down at his shoes and said:
>
>"You lying bastard!  You've been playing golf!"
>
>                       The 2nd Affair
>
>A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about
>having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always
>wanted.
>The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
>The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
>
>He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
>
>He told his wife: "There's no way I can be the father of this baby.
>
>Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!
>
>Have you been fooling around behind my back?"
>
>The wife smiled sweetly and replied: "Not this time!"
>
>
>                           The 3rd Affair
>A mortician was working late one night.  He examined the body of Mr.
>Schwartz,
>
>about to be cremated, and  made a startling discovery.
>
>Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever  seen!
>"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented,
>
>"I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part.
>
>It must be saved for posterity."
>So, he removed it,  stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.
>
>I have something to show you won't believe," he said to his wife, opening
>his briefcase.
>"My God!" the wife exclaimed,  "Schwartz is dead!"
>
>
>
>                               The 4th Affair
>
>A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the
>front door.
>"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."  She rubbed baby oil all over
>him, then dusted him with talcum powder.  "Don't move until I tell you,"   
>she said, " pretend you're a statue."
>"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
>"Oh it's a statue," she replied,  "the Smiths bought one and  I liked it so
>I got one for us, too."
>No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
>Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a
>sandwich and a beer.  "Here," he said to the statue, "have this.   I stood
>like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thin
>g."
>
>
>
>                          The 5th Affair
>
>A man walked into a cafe, went to th e bar and ordered a beer.
>
>"Certainly, Sir , that'll be one cent."
>"One Cent?" the man exclaimed.
>
>He glanced at the menu and asked:"How much for a nice juicy steak and a
>bottle of wine?"
>"A nickel," the barman replied.
>
>"A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
>
>The bartender replied: "Upstairs, with my wife."
>
>The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
>The bartender replied:  "The same thing I'm doing to his business down
>here."
>
>                                            The 6th Affair
>
>Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
>
>He l ooked up and said weakly: "I have something I must confess."
>"There's no need to, " his wife replied.
>
>"No," he insisted,  "I want to die in peace.
>
>I slept with your sister, your best friend,  her  best friend, and your
>mother!"
>"I know," she replied,  " now just rest and let the poison work."