查看完整版本: various jokes

various jokes

Teacher       : History is a very interesting subject. It tells you
about what had happened in the past.
Student        : Please teacher, I don't think I want to study history.
Teacher       : Why?
Student        : There is no future in it.
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .

Teacher       : Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6,
how much would your father still have?
Ted              : $10.
Teacher       : You don't know maths.
Ted              : You don't know my father!
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .........
......... ........

Mother        : David, come here.
David           : Yes, mum?
Mother        : You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.
David           : But I will only get my report book tomorrow.
Mother        : I know that. But I am going to Hong Kong tomorrow, so
I am scolding you now.
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .........
......... ........

Father      : Why did you fail your mathematics test?
Son          : On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8
Father       : So?
Son          : On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said
6+2=8. If she can't make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .........
......... ........

A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were
watching TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a loud crash of
breaking plates, then complete silence. The daughter turned to look at
her father.

Daughter   : It's mummy!
Father      : How do you know?
Daughter   : She didn't say anything.
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .........
......... ........

Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Yes Dear
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy: No, mine is undying love

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Man: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me
Man: How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.

------------ --------- --------- --------- ---

Teacher     : Simon, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same
as your brother's. Did u copy his?
Simon        : No, teacher, it's the same dog!

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Father      : Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son          : That's why I say she's no good!

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Teacher: "Where were u born?"
Student: " Singapore , Sir."
Teacher: "Which part?"
Student: "All of me, Sir."
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
A teacher was asking her class: "What is the difference between
'unlawful' and 'illegal'?" Only one hand shot up. "Ok, answer, Joan"
said the teacher. "'unlawful' is when u do something the law doesn't
allow and 'illegal' is a sick eagle."

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
Teacher: "How come you do not comb your hair?"
Ah Kow: "No comb, Sir."
Teacher: "Use your dad's then."
Ah Kow: "No hair, Sir."

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----

A boy came home from school with his exam results.
"What did u get?" asked his father.
"My marks are under water," said the boy.
"What do u mean 'under water'?"
"They are all below 'C' (sea) level"

some more:
-------------------
男人每晚死在床上



  和美女睡，興奮到死。
  和醜女睡，生不如死。
和辣妹睡，累的要死。
  和情人睡，醉生夢死。
和名模睡，貴的要死。
  和老婆睡，整夜裝死。  

男人啊！你今晚打算怎麼死


---------------------------

某晚，一裸男叫了一輛計程車，  
女司機目不轉睛盯著他直看。

裸男大怒，罵道：你他媽的沒見過裸男呀！

  女司機也大怒： ........我看你他媽的從哪掏錢！

( 是阿... 這果然是個大問題....=''')



---------------------------------------------

一個消化不良的病人向醫生抱怨：
我近來很不正常，吃什麼拉什麼，吃黃瓜拉黃瓜，
吃西瓜拉西瓜，怎樣才能恢復正常呢？





  




醫生沉默片刻說：那你只能吃屎了。

我看你他媽的從哪掏錢.........................................good point!

haha~~~
quite funny bo..thanks!!