查看完整版本: 請修改以下的英文（一）

請修改以下的英文（一）

[font=新細明體][size=3][color=#000000][font=新細明體][u]背景：[/u]現時，我練習一些英文作文，我一直使用易學、易記的英文去表達，這樣可以讓我較易明白和掌握。因為我的英文不太優越，害怕使用錯了其語法和意思。
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[u]學習方向：[/u]我面對一些英文作作文時，我採取的策略是以句子簡潔、立場明確、字數大約每段[font=Times New Roman]50-60[/font][font=新細明體]字，自己會容易掌握和達到預期題目要求字數的效果。但有時候，我不知道應該寫什麼，才能豐富段落內容。麻煩各位英文高手指點。[/font]
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[u]請求：[/u]以下是我一些英文作文段落[font=新細明體]（十題）[/font] ，有勞各位英文高手幫我修改以下的英文句子，改善內容、不好或錯誤的地方，讓句子表達得更美好。
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[font=Times New Roman][color=#000000][size=3]1.
The school holds some activity of solving problems. It can uplift dealing with problems by themselves. They can know how to solve the problems when they encountered difficulties. Through these activities, it fosters them have a sense of dealing with problems independently, which is quite necessary in their future career.
2.
Many young people like music. This is a most of common activity in young people. They usually go to karaoke box to sing their love songs. This activity not only let them relieve their studying stress, but also they can keep a good relationship with their friends through this social activity.
3.
Tourism is regarded as a key pillar of local economic development. It can bring a lot of foreigners come to consume in Hong Kong, thereby uplift economic development of Hong Kong. Tourism helps to promote the development of many industries such as transport, hotel, service and so on. Tourism creates more jobs to relieve the pressure of unemployment.
4.
Students can learn to team spirit and interpersonal skills. They would contact with many people through joining team activities. They need to cooperate and discuss with others in order to solve the problems. Through joining team activities, they thereby uplift these skills, which will be very useful in their future life.
5.
Studying aboard gives you have new challenges and opportunities in order to learn about different cultures of the world. It will be a valuable experience in your life. You can learn experience a new culture. It can widen your horizon and view of the world. It makes you have a real eye opener.
6.
Studying aboard gives you learn a foreign language. Owing to you need to use a foreign language to communicate with others every day. They use the language of chance will be increase. They will be improving how to use the language. Finally, they can become fluent in a foreign language, which will be very useful in their career life.
7.
The government should provide more environment protection education for people in order to increase their related knowledge. They will know that environment protection is very important when their knowledge is uplifted. They will reduce polluting environment, finally environment thereby improved. This is a good way to perform environment protection.
8.
I suggest using internet for promotion. The way of internet promotion such as forum, advertising and so on can introduce information and the product. Because most people use the internet for communication and information exchange. This can let public aware of the product, thereby achieve result of promotion.
9.
The organization should make a schedule to carry out the tasks. We clearly show team members their working hours and jobs. This not only lets all people know what I do, how I do, when I do. But also this can make them feel this is systematically, thereby avoids conflict. Thus, this can uplift working efficiency.
10.
I reckon as students should do the exercise more. The exercise is a good way to good health. Exercise can also relieve mental fatigue to focus on work. Therefore, I suggest the school should hold more sport activities such as football, swimming, tennis and so on in holiday. We also encourage students take part in sports their free time.[/size][/color][/font]
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[[i] 本帖最後由 jobilam 於 2009-10-10 18:45 編輯 [/i]]

Since young people love music, one of their most common pastimes is sing of their favorite songs in karaoke lounge, which not only relax overpressure from studying, but also keep better relationship with their friends.

有啲唔可以話你錯，∼∼我唔敢講我改得一定係最好∼∼但係你表達手法有較多改進空間!

我所知karaoke box係指一部機器∼∼如果你話karaoke box係一間舖頭名，咁就要用大草開頭，但係如果你當佢係舖頭名，句子意思又會變得好怪，似賣廣告多過文章∼∼love songs唔係錯，不過我估你原意係想講後生仔鐘意唱佢地喜歡的歌，所以我改為favorite songs會合你意思啲；love song係指情歌，“their love songs”意思變了“佢哋的情歌”，意思好古怪
努力∼∼

得閑又有心情，再同你睇睇其他∼∼或其他更強的高手出招指路∼∼

Tourism has regarded as a key bolster of local economic development by bringing a large number of tourists to consume in Hong Kong; meanwhile, it also contributes other industries, such as, transportation, hotel, service and so on, shrinking the unemployment rate via creating new jobs.
有啲字眼我改了只是個人認為會好啲∼∼未必係你錯∼
唔好成日重複用Tourism做主語，呢個唔係好的寫法∼∼
西歐句子有個中國人唔鐘意的特色，就是一句可以好長好長∼∼分分鐘成段百幾二百字完了後才有一個full stop，中國人睇得好辛苦∼但鬼佬睇就好啱洗∼坊間有啲翻譯成中文的英文書，都犯上這個毛病∼譯者見句英文好長，所以譯成中文時也譯成好長∼中國人睇呢啲翻譯書會睇到嘔血∼但我們寫英文時最好學吓呢啲鬼佬習慣∼不要把句子斬得太碎太短∼盡可能一句寫清哂自己想表達的意思∼你睇吓英文報紙就知∼寫句子碎的程度可以睇到一個人英文的功力∼
增加自己的詞庫∼有啲意思，你可能要用幾個簡單的英文字組合出來，但原來一個較深入的英文字已經可以表達出來∼∼寫得簡潔，讀得有味∼
成交量係股市的元氣，股價只係得個樣∼∼英文都係，腦內的字庫是英文功力的元氣，要無時無刻增加自己腦內的英文字庫∼只要腦內字庫不足，就算比你文法幾勁，口語幾叻都冇料，一樣睇唔明聽唔明，講唔出，寫唔出∼∼

By joining the team’s activities, students not only gain more opportunity to get along with other people but also learn team spirit building and interpersonal skill via cooperation and discussion with others in order to get rid of problems.  This experience is very useful to their future.

都係句子唔好咁碎∼
同一段內，講同一個主語係點點點，就盡可能不要常常搬同一個主語出來，本文主要想講Student，一來不要常常重複student，They也不要常出街，其實換成中文你都唔會咁寫：你同我出街，你同我落樓，你同我坐車∼∼
你只會講：你同我出街，落樓下一齊坐車∼∼
總之同一個主語一出，就用到佢盡，只要你用盡個新出場的主語，你的句子自然會寫得長∼∼

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幫你改改看這一個

9.
The organization should make a schedule to carry out the tasks. We clearly show team members their working hours and jobs. This not only lets all people know what I do, how I do, when I do. But also this can make them feel this is systematically, thereby avoids conflict. Thus, this can uplift working efficiency.


The organization should come up with a procedure regarding tasks, which will show team members their working hours and job details.  This will let all know what they do, how they do, when they do, but also making work more systematic and avoiding job conflicts.  Therefore improving work efficiency.