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what is love?

I have been married to a pretty wife for a number of years and had two lovely kids. My wife is a bossy type person, probably due to her senior managerial position in a bank. I've found it difficult to communicate with her as she usually rebute my opinions right away, thus these days I mostly remain silent.
I know that it is not right to have affairs but in my heart, I do think that there is something missing. Anyone has similar feelings?

even she is pretty, sexy, everything she do will follow wat you said... after a period of time, if you not satisfy with yourself, you will still find there is something missing...

so i guess you can make as many excuses to ease your evil, but the main point is you are not satisfy about her... Why not try to find out the reason why she attract you at the begining and love her more?

Lots of people said that you cant contral love, but I think you can make yourself to satisfy with a relationship by keep telling yourself to... at the end of the day, 珍惜你現在所有的

my 2c :)

[quote]原帖由 [i]HoneyBeani[/i] 於 2007-5-6 10:24 AM 發表
even she is pretty, sexy, everything she do will follow wat you said... after a period of time, if you not satisfy with yourself, you will still find there is something missing...

so i guess you can make as many excuses to ease your evil, but the main point is you are not satisfy about her... Why not try to find out the reason why [color=Red]she attract you at the begining and love her more[/color]?

Lots of people said that you cant contral love, but I think you can make yourself to satisfy with a relationship by keep telling yourself to... at the end of the day, 珍惜你現在所有的

my 2c :)[/quote]
:verygood::verygood::verygood:[color=Purple]但又有幾多人做得到！[color=Pink](因為一早已經忘記左，只會記得對方的唔好)[/color]:L:L:L[/color]

thanks for your advice, HoneyBeani

Things are easy said than done. As my topic said, "what is love?" Will all the passion/crazinesss/madness/blindness that you experienced during the courting eventually diminish into more like a partnership relationship. I don't know. What I am not satisfied is that my wife doesn't seem to understand me and whenever we have disagreements, she would like to have her way. I choose to compromise and accept whatever she decides. How come the lovely girl that I dated has evolved into a domineering boss. Well, in any event, I am rational and know that for the kids' sake, I shouldn't do any extraordinary things to break the family. I have tried to indulge myself in some hobbies so that I don't have much free time to think about my own feeling. Of course, the rest of the time I contribute to the family. Nonetheless, there is always a voice in my heart questioning if the decision is wise.

Dear 紅豆沙 , I don't know if love is blind. At least, i think most people fall in love because of unknown attractions, without serious rational anlysis and thinking. Therefore, I totally agree with you that people seldom know why they fall in love.

[quote]原帖由 [i]fuckallday[/i] 於 2007-5-6 07:03 PM 發表
thanks for your advice, HoneyBeani

Things are easy said than done. As my topic said, "what is love?" Will all the passion/crazinesss/madness/blindness that you experienced during the c ... [/quote]
[color=Purple]你可能會唔知咩原因鍾意對方，但某程度上，係對方有一種吸引力牽引住自己而不自知。愛上對方，你會無條件為對方做任何事，係別人眼中你所做的，就可以說是愛情是盲目的；我自己都認為係，因為愛情係無得衡量既。為自己所愛而付出的，永遠都是值得的。:victory::victory::victory:[/color]

Dear 紅豆沙 ,

I think you are right to a certain extent. Nonetheless, will love be forever, as HoneyBeani said, when you are unsatisfied. In such cases, does love still exist? Will the love between two people change after a while (getting marrried and having kids) or being promoted to a higher level (more on family relations, etc.), and thus the passion is gone?

What troubles me is that I don't find the feeling/passion for my wife any more. I treat her more like a family (business) partner instead of lover. :-(

最愛是誰

最愛是誰

　曲：盧冠廷
　詞：潘源良
　編：劉志遠

　在世間尋覓愛侶
　尋獲了但求共聚
　然而共處半生都過去
　我偏偏又後悔

　別了她原為了妳
　留住愛亦留住罪
　誰料伴你的心今已碎
　卻有她在夢裡

　為何離別了　卻願再相隨
　為何能共對　又平淡似水
　問如何下去　為何猜不對
　何謂愛　其實最愛只有誰
　（何謂愛　誰讓我找到愛的證據）

　任每天如霧過去
　沉默裡任寒風吹
　誰人是我一生中最愛
　答案可是絕對

[quote]原帖由 [i]fuckallday[/i] 於 2007-5-9 05:53 AM 發表
Dear 紅豆沙 ,

I think you are right to a certain extent. Nonetheless, will love be forever, as HoneyBeani said, when you are unsatisfied. In such cases, does love still exist? Will the love betw ... [/quote]
[color=Purple]或者你講得都o岩，每個人都有每同情況，未遇到或未去到個個境況，又未必明白固中既感受，亦都好難講，將來自己係咪又係咁樣做。

有左家庭，若果有埋小朋友，個份愛可能已昇華至感情，又或者會覺得對方會了解自己更多，不用太多了解，可能往住因此誤會更深........:wondering::wondering::wondering:

人生充滿無奈！[/color]

Maybe that is the meaning of life, i.e. full of uncertainty and nothing for sure.

[quote]原帖由 [i]fuckallday[/i] 於 2007-5-11 07:16 發表
Maybe that is the meaning of life, i.e. full of uncertainty and nothing for sure. [/quote]


Life is a box of chocolate, you never going to know what you get next.
- Forest Gum

Random is FUN!

Dear HoneyBeani

I don't quite agree with the saying that random is fun. It sounds like you are constantly trying your luck and ACTIVELY seeking love. I do believe in fate and that in my case, I was hit by the sudden burst of passion/feeliing/love-at-first-sight when I was most unprepared.

Hi Fxxkallday,

First of all, I dont really like you nick... but that is something else.

When I said random is fun, what I mean is as life cant be predicted, things will happen randomly, why not set ur mindset to accept the fact, as a higher level, why not face it in a positive way, is fun to have random things happen.

Love vs Relationship, I will see the matter like this: Love is the common ground, foundation and most important ingradient for relationship. Is that mean without love, it cant be any relationship? I think the answer will be different to everyone. Can a building build on a "not so solid" foundation? I think you still can, it wont be a tall and large building tho.

If you think your relationship between you and your wife is business, which also means $$. Most of the family come down to a lot of $$ metter, and when $$ hit love, it seems all the romance start to fade out, money seems like a mirror, which explore all the ugly and evil side of a human being. Who is the boss, who get the power to use those resourse! wahahahahaha... Well, do you think there still love in a relationship like this?

Will Love eventually become Relationship? This will depends on different people. I saw a lot of 70+ yrs old couple still holding their hands walking along the street. (I live in Sydney) I dont only see, but I can feel love in between them. Are they in a relationship? Yes, they are. Do they love each other? Yes, they do.

Will Passion eventually fade out? Yes, the answer is for sure; the matter of fact is how long it take, everything goes up will come down... except age. The trick is how to reduce the speed of decline, how to make the passion last longer.

Trust, Love, Relationship, whats the link between them? I guess is Communication. Without communication, they wont last.

Everyone are writing their own story book, pass a day, flip a page. how the chapter end will depends what you write in it now. Talk to ur wife, tell her how you feel, set a common goal, work for it and dont look back.

my 2 cents and good luck :verygood:

Dear HoneyBeani

thanks for your advice. I don't think I can be as sure as you that a relationship/love can last forever. I do agree that communication is important. However, feeling is also crucial.I don't mean that my relationship with my wife is liike business ($$). It is more like a partnership, meaning that we have to raise our kids together and support the family together (spiritually and monetary).

What is love? Love is relationship? Love is passion? As you mentioned, passion will eventually fade out. Or should we say that passion (or love) will sublime into something even more superior? I don't know.

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Dear RockyVI

It is in her blood that she feels like the boss. It is diifficult to change that feeling. In fact, I am already behaving very humbly and she still complains that I am treating her like a maid.

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Dear rhey1234

I did try to understand her and please her in whatever ways. It is exactly just the feel. I feel more like a responsibility to stay with her due to the family and what she has done to the family instead of out of love. As I mentioned previously, I don'tknow if all love will sublime into a situation like what I am in. Maybe that's normal as the love between two people will eventually extend to the entire family (wife and kids).

For those who worry that I would do anything extraordinary. No, to tohers, I am a good husband and father. I only spend some time on some hobbies to fill up the emptiness that I feel at heart.

*** 作者被禁止或刪除 內容自動屏蔽 ***

Hm... I`m in no position to instruct on anything as I`ve never really been in love and a relationship based on loved, but I will give you my opinion and hope that it will help at least in the slightest bit.
Personally, I`m not someone that believes in `love` per say, I believe that people just become infatuated with the idea of being with somebody at first because they don`t want to feel lonely. And when you`re dating somebody, the feeling of loneliness pretty much vanishes and that person becomes an infatuation and a reason for your life, if you get what I mean.. It`s a big impact on your life when the feeling of loneliness suddenly vanishes due to the appearance of one particular person. And the happiness you feel during that time is due to that [kind of like being overwhelmed from having nothing at all, to having everything in the next moment]. But, after you`ve been married for a while, you`ve adjusted and gotten used to that feeling of having someone else in your life. Therefore, you don`t have that overwhlemed feeling like you used to, especially because I highly doubt you both are spending as much time together now what with jobs and kids placed in higher priority than your `together` time. And like you mentioned, you have a lot of free time. Now you`re comparing it with the time when you and your wife used to date and only had each other to look after, see how you keep comparing one situation to the situation right before it?

The reason why 70-something year olds can still be together is because they obviously make time for each other so they can be together every once in a while. Do some of the things you two did while you were dating. The 70 year olds can hold hands while they walk around the street, you can too! People often forget that just because they are married, it doesn`t mean that the `dating` has to be stopped. That`s why the `feeling` stops. So find a day when your both free, get someone to babysit the kids, then take her out on a date, give her a rose, hold her hand when your walking, etc. etc. I`m sure you haven`t forgotten how to do things like that, right? ^-^

`Love` may come unexpectedly to you without having tried to find it, but it takes quite a share of effort in order to keep it and make sure it stays with you. ^-^

I hope I managed to help some. Good luck la, yea? ^-^ `Add oil`!!

Dear rhey1234

Oh, dear bro/sis(?), I think you've got me wrong in saying that I tried to fill up my emptiness with some hobbies. Those hobbies are like breeding fish at home, reading, community work, photography, etc. In fact, I share some of the hobbies with my family. You probably guessed it wrong owing to the nickname that I used. well, I just use the name to be sacarstic.

anyway, thx for your concern.

Dear mi822

Thx for your advice.I admit that when I initially dated my current wife, it could be due to the fact that I broke up with my previous gf and was longing to fill up the void. Therefore, I might not have thought carefully regarding if she is the one. Of course, I did (and still do) like her to a certain extent. Now, when things are more settled down, I am doubting if she is really the one that I love or it was just the sudden impulse to get someone to be married with that I chose her.

Don't get me wrong sice I am quite a social (and sociable) person, and thus I always get in touch with various circles of friends, thus I am not lacking friends to social with or feel lonely all the time. And there are lots of opportunities for me to develope extra-maritl affairs if I wish to. However, it is just the feeling at heart that if that's all. SHouldn't there be real love somewhere and someone is waiting for me? As I said previously, I probably may have got poisoned by those romantic fictions too much that I have such kind of feeling.

don't be slient! it's very dangerous. frankly tell her your feeling and work out the solution. if it can't help, both of you should visit consultant.

Dear mercury0141

The situation is not that bad, at least on the surface. People still see us as a perfect couple, with me being a good husband and father. I've learnt to hide my feeling....

love is ml          so

oh dear ,so much

To FXXKALLDAY,

JUST TALK TO YOU WIFE. don't be silent. but be patient. otherwise, just argue as the result. you are a man a head of the family. communicate with your wife

I have tried to talk to my wife but usually she is very determined and not necessary cares about my feeling and point. In any event, she has changed recently and and is more patient instead of rebutting me right away.

On my side, I've tried to stop all other thinking and concentrate on work, community service and taking care of the kids.

LOVE is everything u want & need to do to satisfy your sex partner,
make her smile & make her feel your hard work on her body......
to let her have "HIGH TIDE".............do your best only on "Her":butwiggle:

I do agree that there has to be love before sex can follow.

[quote]原帖由 [i]fuckallday[/i] 於 2007-7-19 06:26 發表
I do agree that there has to be love before sex can follow. [/quote]


可惜唔係個個男人都會咁諗： :L:'(
[url]http://forum.timway.com/f/thread-75026-1-1.html[/url]

love is.....

good good good !

Dear Violetblue

I agree that some men are sex-driven while others are not. Should I say the same applies to women as well?

最愛是誰

　曲：盧冠廷
　詞：潘源良
　編：劉志遠

　在世間尋覓愛侶
　尋獲了但求共聚
　然而共處半生都過去
　我偏偏又後悔

　別了她原為了妳
　留住愛亦留住罪
　誰料伴你的心今已碎
　卻有她在夢裡

　為何離別了　卻願再相隨
　為何能共對　又平淡似水
　問如何下去　為何猜不對
　何謂愛　其實最愛只有誰
　（何謂愛　誰讓我找到愛的證據）

　任每天如霧過去
　沉默裡任寒風吹
　誰人是我一生中最愛
　答案可是絕對

[quote]原帖由 [i]newslipper[/i] 於 2007-7-27 13:05 發表
最愛是誰


　然而共處半生都過去
　我偏偏又後悔

　[/quote]

現今的婚姻是很脆弱的，
有多少人可以白頭到老，
此生不渝？
:oh::oh:

Quite the contrary, I think most couples (at least in the Chinese society) have kept their marriage till the end although they may not feel that satisfied in their hearts. Or some of them may actually seek extra-marital affairs. Nonetheless, I think the Chinese thinking is that divorce is bad to the kids, and for the sake of the kids, well continue the marriage relationship despite no love in-between

[quote]原帖由 [i]fuckallday[/i] 於 2007-7-28 22:47 發表
Quite the contrary, I think most couples (at least in the Chinese society) have kept their marriage till the end although they may not feel that satisfied in their hearts. Or some of them may actua ... [/quote]

通常男人不太介意發展婚外情。
女人則比較保守，
即使婚姻不如意也會採取啞忍的態度，
獨守空床。

當然也有一部份另類的。
:P:P

[quote]原帖由 [i]fuckallday[/i] 於 2007-7-28 22:47 發表
Quite the contrary, I think most couples (at least in the Chinese society) have kept their marriage till the end although they may not feel that satisfied in their hearts. Or some of them may actua ... [/quote]


So 這兩句歌辭 ：


[然而共處半生都過去
　我偏偏又後悔]


令人產生共鳴

agree.

BTW, the song "最愛是誰" is also one of my favorites.