Hi Guys  and Girls,

It has been puzzling for a long long time. Probably like a lot of people, I'm approaching 30 but am in a long term relationship with this gf of mine whom I've been with since uni. I would call myself a very responsible person, both in terms of work, to friends/families and to my gf. But the love has, um.... died quite long ago. What is keep us going is that strong sense of responsibility. Sometimes I meet other girls whom I like very much. But I always hold myself back because of her. I've been getting a lot of pressure from my parents to get married. But my gut feeling is that it won't work out. Should I just end this? or just marry this person I've been with for a long time because this is the "right thing to do". I always hear from old married couples that the love has long gone between them, and they have entered this next phase called "companionship" stage. What the fuck ?!?! Then why the fuck do we get married then ? Just to have a "friend"? I think my male friends understand me more and they are more fun to be with. Of course I like women, but it's the sex and the love that keep us together, not just the so called "companion-fucking-ship". When I"m bored I could hit the pub with a few of my buddies. Just "blow-water", you know. Watch the game, have a Bud. .... what a life! In case you are wondering , most of my married male friends are NOT exactly "happily ever after" like what they say in the fairy-tales.

Any feedback from you brothers and sisters would be nice.
Cheers.

now you say that the love between you and your girlfriend is gone..........but you are still attracted to other girls you meet now and then...................

lets see.....................if you would ever break up with your current girlfriend and definitely find another one............are you sure that the same situation will never happen again in the future..................?? of course this DOES also pretty much depend on what you are looking for in your life.................someone who you can spend the rest of your life with or simply just the feeling of "being in love" which can also easily "gone" as you were saying..................if you get your answer to this question straight............i think you will be on your own.................

besides.............have you raised this problem to your girlfriend............?? have you talked to her about this...................?? cuz her feelings are also as important as yours.................and if you havent..........i think you know what im talking about................

good luck...............

Dear Donmat,

There is no set answer for your question, different people are going to react differently. Just like Chrissie said, very depends on what you looking for, purely the feeling of love, or a stable trusty relationship.

You said Love has dead for long time. Do you still care about her? Do you still miss her? How will you fell if she slept with other man? If she leave you forever tomorrow for some reason, will you regrad for not loving her enough when you can?

No one can tell you what to do, in fact, most of the people post questions here are only looking for something they want to hear, hopefully you are not one of them.

A healthy relationship must go through up and down, everything goes up must come down. is it going up again is very depends on how you handle it, or... do you want to deal with it.

But since you post this message up here, I guess you are strugling in your emotion because of the pressure of your parents. Hopefully you will make a wiseful and non-regard decidion, and the decidion is not effected by the pressure around you.

good luck my friend

Dear Donmat

I was in similar situation although I was not under my parents' pressure to get married. You know, I broke up with my long time (4 years) gf while studying overseas, and then my current wife showed up. I knew her earlier but was treating her just like a friend. She was pretty and had interest in me. I don't know whether it was filling the void or what, somehow we stuck together. After one year or so, we got married. Now we have been married for many years and have two kids. I certainly have that companionship/partnership feeling towards her. Nonetheless, I don't know if it is sublimation or degeneration as I don't find the understanding any more and it is harder to communicate with here than my other friends (male and female). Is it true love? I don't know. I was trying to seek the kind of love which gives me the feeling of passion. But I've found that such passion-filled love may not be the bond to hold a family together, especially when you have kids around. There is no doubt that your love have to extend to the entire family, and cna't be just two of you. Therefore, although I remain a bit confused regarding the relationship with my wife, I am less dissatisfied with the lack of communication and spend my time with the family as a whole, "lblowing water" and other hobbies instead of like the youngsters chasing after passion.

Hope the experience from an old man help.

引用:

原帖由 HoneyBeani 於 2007-5-23 19:25 發表
No one can tell you what to do, in fact, most of the people post questions here are only looking for something they want to hear, hopefully you are not one of them.

haha.. you're so damn RIGHT, mate!!!!

哥仔.....冇錢叫雞呀....

你又諗住自己知道咩係love呀

Hello,

After read your article, I don't think your love with your girl friend already die, try to do few things.
1. if some other guy flirting with your girl friend, will you jelus ?
2. try to separate with your girl friend for a long time, at least 2 weeks, and ask yourself, would you think about her ? will you call her ?
3. when you attrative by other girls, why you not take action ? don't make excuse.
4. if you still fuck her, which meaning your love not dead yet.

ha, wish you find out which is truth.
good luck.

Hello,

After read your article, I don't think your love with your girl friend already die, try to do few things.
1. if some other guy flirting with your girl friend, will you jelus ?
2. try to separate with your girl friend for a long time, at least 2 weeks, and ask yourself, would you think about her ? will you call her ?
3. when you attrative by other girls, why you not take action ? don't make excuse.
4. if you still fuck her, which meaning your love not dead yet.

ha, wish you find out which is truth.
good luck.

Dear Donmat

If making love is out of responsibility,  both of you would feel it and won't enjoy it, and eventually would quit doing it. ASk yourself if that's the case.

Dear Donmat,

The situation you are experiencing will not only been seen amongst unmarried couples, but also married men and woman.

Suppose you now quit your girl friend and find some one you have passion on, and got married with her, you may encounter the same feeling after a few years.  That is why the "7-year itch" is so common amongst married people.

I have got married for over 25 years.  I could still remember the 7th year after our marriage.  I had my two sons then.  We had no financial stress but we just found we lost all interests to talk with each other, apart from normal household matters.  I met a very amicable girl friend at the time who I regained interest to talk with.  But for the sake of keeping my marriage, I did not desert my wife.  I have promised to look after her at our wedding ceremony, and as a man, I simply kept my promise.

Two years later, I left HK and went abroad for a few months by myself.  My wife stayed in HK to look after my two sons.  During that time, I communicated with my wife through letter and telephone.  We found out that we had a lot to talk about, I told her my activities in overseas.  She told me how our family go in HK.  We found out we missed each other and after I came back to HK, our passion grew more and more.  We had many happy years after that.

I once asked my older friend how we could keep our marriage alive.  He advised that the important element is to "continuously adjust and re-adjust to each other" I consider this the truth.

no u shouldnt``just for a nice life``