How To Get Rid of Door-To-Door Missionaries

Rorke Haining

• A chalk outline of a human body on the sidewalk, and a few copies of The Watchtower scattered around...  
  
• My mother (a second-generation atheist) used to say (in a very sweet voice): "I'm sorry, I don't give a damn about Jesus." Worked everytime. The missionaries just backed off the porch in slack-jawed, bug-eyed disbelief.  
  
• Agreed, we are not prepared for this one, but it has to be carried off perfectly. The more sincere you appear, the more baffled the missionary will be: Answer the door with an automatic weapon and say "Allah be Praised!!!" and just see what happens.  
  
• Automatic weapons are undeniably the best deterrent to missionaries. For extra effect, fire a few rounds into the air or towards their car. Pretend you hear a voice inside your head telling you to kill the missionary. Guaranteed to stop future visits for several years.  
  
• The young couple came to my door. I was wearing my robe, and had just awakened. Now let me explain, I am a very unusual looking person anyway, but when I awake, I look like some kind of movie monster, I have hair all over everywhere. I made my eyes real piercing, and stared past them. I knew who they were, you can tell, they look so cute in their getup and their bland faces. Well the female one obviously is supposed to do the introduction because she sort of panicked, and said: "We're...we're...we're..we're....we're...." And then she stared helplessly at the other one and he said: "uh... uh.... uh... uh..."I then did a really fierce grin and stuck out my hand in a very fast gesture, and opened all my fingers, and in a voice sort of a mixture between Peter Lore and Lurch, I said: I... WILL... TAKE... YOUR... LITERATURE... AND... GIVE... IT... TO... MY... MASTER. The male one quickly handed me a copy of whatever rag they were peddling. They did not ask for a donation. They ran. It's a true story, and they never came back.  
  
• A friend claims that when missionaries knock on her door, her first response is to ask for their address. When they ask why she wants to know, she says it is so she can visit them to push her beliefs. So far, none of them have given their address. It also marks the end of the interview. SLAM!  
  
• A guy goes up to my friend's friend and asks, "Can I talk to you about God?" She says, "Sure, what would you like to know?"  
  
• Missionary ladies come to the door. One of them has small child in tow. Interrupts SIW's dinner. If you knew SIW like I knew SIW, you wouldn't do that.
  

  SIW: Thank you, but I already have a religion.
  Missionary: May I ask what it is?
  SIW: I'd really rather not say. {Pregnant pause} I'm not sure if it's legal in this country.
  

  Supposedly they gave her a real strange look on their way back down the stairs.  
  
• I answer the door with a bloody knife and say, "I'm sorry, could you come back in a half hour? We're not done with the virgin yet."

http://www.infidels.org/misc/humor.archive//missionaries.html

如何除掉挨門挨戶傳教士 Rorke海寧人体的白堊概述在邊路的和城樓的一些個拷貝驅散了在附近… 我的母親(一個第二代無神論者)过去常常說(由一個非常甜美声音) ： " I' 抱歉的m， I don' t在乎關於Jesus."的; 每次工作。 傳教士退出了在目瞪口呆，暴眼懷疑的門廊。 同意，我們為这一个沒有准备着，但是它必須完全運載。 越懇切您看上去，被難倒傳教士將是： 应與一種自动武器的門并且"說; 阿拉被稱讚!!! " 并且请看見发生了什么。 自动武器不容置疑地是對傳教士的最佳的威懾物。 对于額外作用，射弹一些個发入空氣或往他們的汽車。 假裝您聽見在告诉您的頭裡面的聲音您殺害傳教士。 保證停止未來參觀几年。 年輕夫婦來了到我的門。 我穿着我的長袍和喚醒了。 现在讓我解釋，我無論如何是一個非常異常的看的人，但是，当我醒时，我看起来電影妖怪，我到處有頭髮到處。 我做了我的眼睛真正的穿甲，并且凝視通過他們。 我知道誰他們是，您可以告訴，他們看很逗人喜愛在他們的getup和他們的平淡面孔。 湧出女性一个明顯地应该做介紹，因為她有點兒恐慌了，并且說： " We' 再… we' 再… we' 再。.we' 再….we' 再…." 她無能為力地然后凝視一致另，并且他說： " uh… uh…. uh… uh… " 我做了真正地劇烈咧嘴并且然後黏附了我的在一個非常快速的姿態的手，并且张开了所有我的手指，并且在一個混合物的聲音排序在彼得學問和突然傾斜之間的，我說： 我… 將… 採取… 您… 文學… 并且… 給… 它… … 我… 大師。 迅速被遞我的男性一个拷貝任何舊布他們販賣。 他們沒有请求捐贈。 他們跑了。 It' s一個真實的故事和他們未曾回來。 朋友声称，当傳教士敲她的門时，她的第一個反應是请求他們的地址。 当他們问时她為什麼想要知道，她說它是，因此她可以參觀他們推擠她的信仰。 到目前为止，他們都未給他們的地址。 它也指示採訪的结尾。 響聲! 人上升至我的friend' s朋友和要求， " 我可以與您談話關於上帝？" 她說， " 肯定，您要知道什麼？" 傳教士夫人走向門。 他们中的一个有小孩子。 中斷SIW' s晚餐。 如果您知道SIW，如我知道SIW，您wouldn' t做那。 SIW ： 谢谢，但是我已經有一種宗教。傳教士： 我可以问什麼是？ SIW ： I' d真正地宁可不說。 {懷孕的停留} I' m不肯定，如果it' s法律在這個國家。 推測他們給了她在他們的方式後面的真正的奇怪的神色在臺階下。 我应與一把血淋淋的刀子的門并且說， " I' 抱歉的m，您可能回來在半小時？ We' 再沒做與處女yet."

祈禱吧

上帝(耶和華)若是全善的, 衪就會寧願世間沒有罪惡苦難(包括天災人禍, 傷殘疾苦), 上帝若是全能的, 衪能夠使得世間沒有罪惡苦難!! 但事實上, 世間的確有非常之多的天災人禍, 傷殘疾苦, 非常之明顯, 這個世界根本就沒有上帝(耶和華)存在

向佢講解佛學，道佢入教。
或者整响電話，借機行開。
在懷中取出本咸書，佢有佢講，你有你睇，或者一齊睇，佢會因為面子問題而走。但隨時被差佬拉。

真係死纏的話，就拿住條友隻手，向自己身上摷，大叫非禮！

引用:

原帖由 無神論狂徒 於 2008-10-3 11:17 發表
向佢講解佛學，道佢入教。
或者整响電話，借機行開。
在懷中取出本咸書，佢有佢講，你有你睇，或者一齊睇，佢會因為面子問題而走。但隨時被差佬拉。

所謂邪不能勝正, 佢地會接受佛學嗎?

引用:

原帖由 雄叔2009 於 2008-10-3 18:59 發表


所謂邪不能勝正, 佢地會接受佛學嗎?

答案好明顯:
會!!!!

引用:

原帖由 花之慶次 於 2008-10-4 12:11 AM 發表



答案好明顯:
會!!!!

因為邪不能勝正！？

無錯係邪不能勝正。估唔到雄叔會大義滅親。應該離彼岸不遠爾∼∼

通常呢講，係無無聊聊的時候，我都會同他們談兩句嘅。

他們講耶穌，我就以恐龍(化石)回應。

講信心，我就同佢地講雞疍黃的假設。

講雞疍黃的假設 ?

冇穿冇爛雞疍一隻，全世界陸拾億人冇人睇過呢隻疍入便D野(包括所有的蛇蟲鼠蟻，飛禽走獸) 。我就話入便有透明的疍白和紅色的疍黄，你信唔信丫？

Hi！積奇兄弟早。上帖你係同邊個講�洃X？

引用:

原帖由 花之慶次 於 2008-10-1 17:07 發表
How To Get Rid of Door-To-Door Missionaries

Rorke HainingA chalk outline of a human body on the sidewalk, and a few copies of The Watchtower scattered around...  
My mother (a second-genera ...

老友, 你不如同佢地大大聲講:唔好!!!!仲要叫救命, 班友仲唔走???