I have been married to a pretty wife for a number of years and had two lovely kids. My wife is a bossy type person, probably due to her senior managerial position in a bank. I've found it difficult to communicate with her as she usually rebute my opinions right away, thus these days I mostly remain silent.
I know that it is not right to have affairs but in my heart, I do think that there is something missing. Anyone has similar feelings?

thanks for your advice, HoneyBeani

Things are easy said than done. As my topic said, "what is love?" Will all the passion/crazinesss/madness/blindness that you experienced during the courting eventually diminish into more like a partnership relationship. I don't know. What I am not satisfied is that my wife doesn't seem to understand me and whenever we have disagreements, she would like to have her way. I choose to compromise and accept whatever she decides. How come the lovely girl that I dated has evolved into a domineering boss. Well, in any event, I am rational and know that for the kids' sake, I shouldn't do any extraordinary things to break the family. I have tried to indulge myself in some hobbies so that I don't have much free time to think about my own feeling. Of course, the rest of the time I contribute to the family. Nonetheless, there is always a voice in my heart questioning if the decision is wise.

Dear 紅豆沙 , I don't know if love is blind. At least, i think most people fall in love because of unknown attractions, without serious rational anlysis and thinking. Therefore, I totally agree with you that people seldom know why they fall in love.

Dear 紅豆沙 ,

I think you are right to a certain extent. Nonetheless, will love be forever, as HoneyBeani said, when you are unsatisfied. In such cases, does love still exist? Will the love between two people change after a while (getting marrried and having kids) or being promoted to a higher level (more on family relations, etc.), and thus the passion is gone?

What troubles me is that I don't find the feeling/passion for my wife any more. I treat her more like a family (business) partner instead of lover. :-(

最愛是誰

最愛是誰

　曲：盧冠廷
　詞：潘源良
　編：劉志遠

　在世間尋覓愛侶
　尋獲了但求共聚
　然而共處半生都過去
　我偏偏又後悔

　別了她原為了妳
　留住愛亦留住罪
　誰料伴你的心今已碎
　卻有她在夢裡

　為何離別了　卻願再相隨
　為何能共對　又平淡似水
　問如何下去　為何猜不對
　何謂愛　其實最愛只有誰
　（何謂愛　誰讓我找到愛的證據）

　任每天如霧過去
　沉默裡任寒風吹
　誰人是我一生中最愛
　答案可是絕對

Maybe that is the meaning of life, i.e. full of uncertainty and nothing for sure.

Dear HoneyBeani

I don't quite agree with the saying that random is fun. It sounds like you are constantly trying your luck and ACTIVELY seeking love. I do believe in fate and that in my case, I was hit by the sudden burst of passion/feeliing/love-at-first-sight when I was most unprepared.

Dear HoneyBeani

thanks for your advice. I don't think I can be as sure as you that a relationship/love can last forever. I do agree that communication is important. However, feeling is also crucial.I don't mean that my relationship with my wife is liike business ($$). It is more like a partnership, meaning that we have to raise our kids together and support the family together (spiritually and monetary).

What is love? Love is relationship? Love is passion? As you mentioned, passion will eventually fade out. Or should we say that passion (or love) will sublime into something even more superior? I don't know.

Dear RockyVI

It is in her blood that she feels like the boss. It is diifficult to change that feeling. In fact, I am already behaving very humbly and she still complains that I am treating her like a maid.

Dear rhey1234

I did try to understand her and please her in whatever ways. It is exactly just the feel. I feel more like a responsibility to stay with her due to the family and what she has done to the family instead of out of love. As I mentioned previously, I don'tknow if all love will sublime into a situation like what I am in. Maybe that's normal as the love between two people will eventually extend to the entire family (wife and kids).

For those who worry that I would do anything extraordinary. No, to tohers, I am a good husband and father. I only spend some time on some hobbies to fill up the emptiness that I feel at heart.

Dear rhey1234

Oh, dear bro/sis(?), I think you've got me wrong in saying that I tried to fill up my emptiness with some hobbies. Those hobbies are like breeding fish at home, reading, community work, photography, etc. In fact, I share some of the hobbies with my family. You probably guessed it wrong owing to the nickname that I used. well, I just use the name to be sacarstic.

anyway, thx for your concern.

Dear mi822

Thx for your advice.I admit that when I initially dated my current wife, it could be due to the fact that I broke up with my previous gf and was longing to fill up the void. Therefore, I might not have thought carefully regarding if she is the one. Of course, I did (and still do) like her to a certain extent. Now, when things are more settled down, I am doubting if she is really the one that I love or it was just the sudden impulse to get someone to be married with that I chose her.

Don't get me wrong sice I am quite a social (and sociable) person, and thus I always get in touch with various circles of friends, thus I am not lacking friends to social with or feel lonely all the time. And there are lots of opportunities for me to develope extra-maritl affairs if I wish to. However, it is just the feeling at heart that if that's all. SHouldn't there be real love somewhere and someone is waiting for me? As I said previously, I probably may have got poisoned by those romantic fictions too much that I have such kind of feeling.

Dear mercury0141

The situation is not that bad, at least on the surface. People still see us as a perfect couple, with me being a good husband and father. I've learnt to hide my feeling....

I have tried to talk to my wife but usually she is very determined and not necessary cares about my feeling and point. In any event, she has changed recently and and is more patient instead of rebutting me right away.

On my side, I've tried to stop all other thinking and concentrate on work, community service and taking care of the kids.

I do agree that there has to be love before sex can follow.

Dear Violetblue

I agree that some men are sex-driven while others are not. Should I say the same applies to women as well?

Quite the contrary, I think most couples (at least in the Chinese society) have kept their marriage till the end although they may not feel that satisfied in their hearts. Or some of them may actually seek extra-marital affairs. Nonetheless, I think the Chinese thinking is that divorce is bad to the kids, and for the sake of the kids, well continue the marriage relationship despite no love in-between

agree.

BTW, the song "最愛是誰" is also one of my favorites.